I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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