There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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