playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
