i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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