he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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