I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
