Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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