I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
