mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
