I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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