My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
