Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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