i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
