too bad you live with your parents still
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
