if you like me you must not know who I am
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
