If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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