I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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