I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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