My first STD was from a foam party
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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