So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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