My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
