sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
