our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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