i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
