i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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