3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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