saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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