You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
