Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
