i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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