Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You can't special order awesome
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
