epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
