Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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