the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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