Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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