im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
