how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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