I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
