hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
