Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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