I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
