mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
