My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
do herpes really smell.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
