you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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