i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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