We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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