This girl is more easily done than said...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
