he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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