if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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