so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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