I met the friendliest cop last night
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
