if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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