I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
