oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
