My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
