My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
