maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
