I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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